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pretend genius
Writing to get published:

There are 8 things one can do in order to get published:

1. Write something about how to get published

· Put it in an outline form so that it is easy to understand

§ For each heading or subheading, add a sentence or
two to expound on or clarify what is meant by the heading
or subheading.  This is sentence two.  At least three
sentences are recommended.

2. Describe everything in detail

· Describe means to tell or depict in written or spoken word. 
The word describe starts with the letter ‘d’ and ends with the letter ‘e’.  It is spelled d-e-s-c-r-i-b-e.  It comes from the Late Middle English describen which comes from the Latin scribere to write.  It is the first word in the sentence that is second on this list of 8 things one must do in order to get published. 

· Everything is a compound word made up of the word every and the word thingEvery is used in many words while thing is used in the place of many words.  For example, these 8 things. 

· In, while charming in its brevity, may perhaps be the most dangerous word in the sentence and is open to an expansive interpretation.  Less favored for some reason by female writers and often overused by male writers.  In this.  In that.  In everything. 

· Detail, on the other hand, means several things.  Like describe it starts with a ‘d’ and is prefixed by ‘de’, designating a separation or removal from some thing or action. This word can be traced, and in fact, is traced to the Vulgar Latin taliare, similar to tailor, which means to cut.  It is both a noun and a verb.  Writing item 2 on this list is an example of the verb.  The result of writing item 2 on this list is an example of the noun.

2.5 Holy mother kiss my assbum.

3. Make it believable

· This is loosely related to 2.  Believe me.  It means that everything you write must be plausible.  If a dragon remains flightless throughout your story titled “Dragons of Enchantment and a Princess”, then no one will believe anything that you’ve written.  Plausibility justifies your passive ultimatum to the reader, which is:  read this.  They will have no choice but to succumb to the impressive array and arrangement of words you have laid out on the page because everything you have written is plausible.  Dragons can fly.

4. Don’t make it too clever for itself

· Making the writing too clever for itself gives one a vague impression that it (the writing) has been compromised by an elusive but tangible insincerity.  It is best to state things plainly and understandably.  It matters little if the cleverness would never have occurred to the reader him-or-herself.  What matters is that the cleverness is too clever.  If you must be clever, do not be clever with words.  Words are for describing things in detail (see Item 2 above) and making those things and the things surrounding those things as believable as possible (see Item 3).  Save cleverness for plot construction or ‘how-to’ dissertations, for despite the outré cleverment of such constructions, the reader still finds such constructions plausible.

5. Satisfy the reader’s expectations, particularly with the unexpected

· If the unexpected does not occur when it is supposed to occur in your story or book then the reader will disengage from your work.   If the unexpected occurs too soon the reader will put down your work because it will be too difficult for the reader to follow since the unexpected would be occurring earlier than expected.  The reader will feel that the work has fallen off the rails.  There must be a build-up to the unexpected.  It cannot occur out of nowhere (see Item 2.5).  If the unexpected occurs too late or not at all, the reader will most likely put your work down before the end and criticize it for being an unoriginal and lackluster affair that's missing the usual inventiveness that is found in most published writing today.

6. Become a personality

· Somehow through sheer effort (what the unpublished call arrogance or narcissism) or luck, build yourself into a personality so that it will be impossible for people to say your first name alone.  Become bigger than the work itself and you will be able to publish writing on the most mundane subjects such as shoplifting or the number of dead animals you have seen on the road.  An unexpected but welcome benefit of becoming a personality is that you will be able to publish the same thing with different titles over and over again.

7. Always leave them wanting more

· At the end of your work the reader must feel as if they have tasted something delicious and yet are still left hungry.  They should ask themselves “What comes after this?  Is there no more?".

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